October 1, 2012
Marriage: License To Be Disrespectful?
I have more clients than I wish to have that feel that marriage gives them permission to be nasty, abrasive, insulting, and disrespectful to their partner. Besides the verbal attacks it also includes pushing, shoving, hitting, slamming, punching, and breaking items. Apparently many individuals believe that they have the God given right to act out whatever negative mood they are in as soon as they are assured that they are legally bound together. How does this compute with a loving intimate relationship? If you are guilty of any of these actions, how do you expect that your partner will want to make love to you?

Before there can be any type of mending to fix the marriage, one must first take the responsibility of being fully aware that any type of family takes thought, consideration, and control over ones own self’s behaviors. Life stresses each of us. Health issues abound. Traumatic happenings and disasters occur. Financial reverses even hit the rich. That does not mean that one has to become a robot and behave as if nothing upsets one self.

It does mean that the real issue needs to be identified. What exactly is causing the the disturbance? Is it really your partner? Or is it envy, jealousy, frustration, annoyance or a myriad of other concerns? Search yourself to locate the initial cause of the backlash.

It helps to objectify the situation. Make believe that a friend has presented you with an identical scenario. What would you tell them to do? Is it opposite of what you did or the same? If it is the same-was their deportment admirable? Is this what you want to see as civilised behavior?

Asking yourself questions and honestly responding to them will help those of you who have lost control of yourselves, to help regain control. First it is the understanding that you are part of the problem, Secondly, to become aware that you have a choice to modify your actions. Thirdly, to now learn new communication skills which will bring the results that are needed to have a harmonious life.

If you are unable to accomplish the above aides, go for counseling to help identify the issues, to learn better self control, and learn new methods of effective communication.