October 1, 2016
October 1, 2016
"You make me" is an almost a universal lament. "You made me do this. It is your fault."
The only way one can force another person to do or say something is to believably threaten them to future harm or hold a gun to their head and/or put them in shackles. Wars are fought when the decision is made that death is preferable to allowing someone else run their lives.
Cultural and religious dictates can create the climate of suppression such as those women who are beheaded because the men believe that it is the fault of women for alluring them to rape the females. That is an extreme case of the stories that those men believe.
However, in a free country giving the power over yourself by stating, "You made me do this" relieves you of the responsibility of the consequences of your choices. It allows your selection to have power over you. Now you can be resentful and tell yourself a story about how awful your life has been made by the other person.
The story should be that you made a choice to do whatever you decided then abdicated the responsibility to correct it by continuing to allow yourself to be guided by the others dictates instead of resolving the problem.
Now you are living the story that you created and blaming the other person for your mistaken decisions in life.
If you had made yourself responsible for your decisions you would have been able to tell yourself that these were what you believe is the best way to handle the problem-or not. If now you want to reverse your decision you do so and accept the consequences of that action.
What I find in counseling is that people want both the left and the right - so to speak. They want what they have, but not in the package it has arrived in. They remain caught in the indecision and blame it on the other person. They reality is that they are able to do what they want, but at the cost of relinquishing money, security, status, memories, past history or the love that they still hold regardless of the circumstances.
However, what they cannot relinquish is- that is was their own choice not any one else's.
The stories we tell ourselves make a difference to whether we view ourselves as powerful or victims.
All the stories have power.
Which power do you choose? Yours or the other person's controlling you?
In each case there are consequences. Which set can you live with?
Who do you give your power to? God? God gave you the power already to determine your life by giving you the intelligence to make choices. Don't blame God for your determinations.
Only you are responsible for what you say or do in life.
Taking control of your life, accepting the results of your decision and creating a new story that you like better will finally create the peace and harmony of which you are seeking.