October 13, 2006
October 13, 2006
Men Understanding Women
Men this article is for you. The key to a happy relationship is in the art of Active Listening. It is the glue of companionship and the foreplay of sex. It creates happiness and contentment.
Men use Active Listening at their jobs. Yet many men do not know how to use it in their personal lives. Policemen have been trained to calm down an irate person by letting them know that it appears that one is upset and if it is an understandable situation the cop also verbalizes that. Salesmen identify the fear of their customers who are spending a great deal of money on one purchase. Contractors deal with a customer’s fury that a job is delayed and they commensurate that it is upsetting when materials come late creating frustration for everyone. These tactics are Active Listening.
When I ask men how they manage people on their jobs many men are amazed that they already know the skill, but do not apply it home. Certain men feel that it is manipulation because it works so well. However, it not manipulation because it does not interfere with the freedom of choice. It should be a sincere effort to calm and connect with a woman. When this happens Active Listening activates a chemical called oxytocin which also accelerates warm fuzzy, romantic feelings.
Moreover, women feel a bonding with men when Active Listening is utilized. It turns them on in a way that physical foreplay can never do. It allows a women to feel cared for, valued, asound observernd worthy because their intelligence is not insulted by being pressed with solutions. So the next time your wife is screaming from fury or is upset; let her know that you understand that she is (you fill in the blanks of what you are observing, such as:) frustrated, upset, sad, unloved. Try to see her point of view. Validate it if you agree. If you do not agree with her perspective then at least reiterate the circumstances with her and let her find her own conclusions as you help her quiet herself. Remember saying “Calm down” is NOT the answer, but instead mirror her feelings, fears, and/or other emotions. Stating how to manage the situation IS NOT THE ANSWER either. Observing her emotions and the situation and then reiterating it verbally is the way to a woman’s heart. Try it, use it.