October 31, 2013
October 31, 2013
Diverse Cultures of the Bride and Groom
This article is a generalisation of the majority of men and women. There are variations and individual differences so that your situation may not be exactly the same as depicted below.
“You don't love me. You didn’t stand up for me when your Mother accused me of not being a nice person.”
“I didn’t hear it” the husband says in defence of himself.
The wife hears, “You are lying. She never said that.”
The dynamics happening here is the new bride is carving out the guidelines for the relationship to cleave together as one-disengaging them from the old patterns. Nor is she always clearly aware of her purpose. She has seen other discordant relationships such as this. She does not want the division that frequently happens when the husband is too close with his mother.
The husband that had seen as a son that painful division with his mother may actually answer, “I will address that issue with Mom directly. She needs to respect you. You are my wife.” That groom has understood the way that female cultures divide the sexes. He acts on it in a manner that keeps the wife feeling that their union is protected.
The culture of men and women contrast on the opposing ends of the spectrum with one another which often causes conflicts in marriage.
“Pay attention to me, not your mother”- is the wife’s message. The Bride needs to be certain that she comes before all others. Her opinions, her thoughts, her needs and her company should be considered first and foremost.
The emotional pain that the bride has, if not addressed properly, will continue to fester into resentment and anger.
The vocabulary is the same, but the interpretation of the words is unmatched due to the incomparable up bringing, different views from contrasting experiences, and dissimilar brains. The results are; two opposing cultures unknown to each other.
The older the man is- the more likely he is- to adhere to the Traditional role in marriage. The Traditional marriage role of a man is to protect, and be in control of the money, the household and the sexual intimacies. The fact that he is to protect does not extend in his cultural world to emotions. Men of that era- especially- do not assimilate emotions, even their own.
The fact that most men feel in control of everything causes even many modern men to dismiss the wife’s input on major matters. The transition from the Traditional roles to the Partnership roles has been a rocky road for most of my couples during the last 35 years. Women began the transition in 1920 and are still feeling some of the effects of the divide yet today.
The confusion, of what our role is, in marriage creates discord since a role must have a corresponding role to maintain a smooth relationship.
Today the roles become a confused mess as each gender picks and chooses what each want without regard to the corresponding role which makes the marital union run smoothly.
Without an excellent communication system these glitches in roles create feelings of being unloved.
If either party does not live up to the role- either dictated by the culture -or the perceived role that one party decides should be followed-Chaos results.