January 10, 2016
January 10, 2016

Male/Female Communication

Since I am the typical female who remembers every emotional situation in detail; I related to my husband a comment he'd made in the first year of our marriage that perplexed me.

The incident was: our car was stuck in an intersection and my husband was having difficulties restarting it. I looked to my right and saw an automobile barrelling towards us. I related to him what I saw.
Lyman, my husband said, "It will hit your side first." The car started and we were safe. I made no comment about his reaction until some thirty years later.

Lyman had no recollection of the happening nor of his comment. Moreover, he did not have an explanation that would elucidate his thought process at that time.

Now after thirty-eight years of practising marital counseling couples, I am cognisant that men speak facts. It was a fact that I would get hit first.

Men's brain relate to their environment literally. The Shaywitz and Shaywitz study confirmed with brain scans showing 100% activation in the male's left hemisphere of the brain when required to match nonsense words. The left hemisphere deals with specifics.

Women in the same Shaywitz study had about 98% left hemisphere activation, but the right hemisphere was activated about 33%. The right brain is used to respond emotionally and creatively to one's environment.

It is not unusual, then that no woman would make such a comment in a similar situation. Instead the first reaction-if it were a woman driver with a passenger in danger-would be: "Oh my God. I am trying as fast as I can."
Her reaction would relate to the consequences.

A males reaction is addressed to what is immediately occurring. This difference in perception creates huge feelings of being unloved and un-cared for as women can not perceive how the man could be so indifferent.

Take for instance, if a soldier sees that the enemy has a bead on his buddy to his right, he says: "Look ninety degrees to your right in the tree." .. The females comment stating, "Oh you'll get hit. Be careful." will be a message given too late to save his buddy's life.

There is an irony in the fact that everyday situations are complex causing a need to respond in a feminine way to show love. I never doubted my husband love for me. My reaction was, "What the Hell?" Somehow it seemed funny. I felt the incongruity, without understanding it.

Even men will laugh at the narration of this happenstance. Reviewing something objectively changes the perspective. Men can then view it from the right brain as there is no imminent danger.

I have seen so many divorces when the male/female differences are not accepted by the genders. It is important that each gender take into account the fact that our brains register information in a different context.