November 1, 2016
Unsaid Remarks


We all are guilty some time in our lives of misinterpreting the remarks of a friend, family member, employer, employee and even a stranger.

I had tapped a conversation with a psychic which I listened to again when I arrived home. I decided that the reading was bunk as I had a future goal in mind that the message did not appear to address. However, some time later I listened to it again and realized it was accurate. I had let my own misinterpretation of what I wanted to happen color the message. Instead I needed to listen to it as it was, not as I wanted it to be.

Frequently, my clients angrily argue over an issue that requires each side to listen to the facts as described by each person and then, at the very least, come to a decision to desist the fight. In the recent candidate debate; those who side with Hillary or Trump have already decided based on what they perceive that person will do for them. Therefore, facts presented are rejected, ignored, explained away, or blocked from consciousness altogether. For those of you who have tried to reason with the opposing side quickly find that new facts are brushed aside and the original conclusions remain solid. The discussion becomes emotional because there is a question of the judgement of ones ability to think clearly and that effects ones self-esteem.

There are times when a facial or hand gesture is misconstrued:
Grimaces during a conversation may be felt as if the person dislikes the other. Yet, it may only be that one is in discomfort of some type.
Holding a hand up as if to stop traffic usually means to stop talking or walking, etc. However, why the hand is being held up is up for grabs. It can be taken as a hostile sign of disrespect. Instead it may merely signify that the owner cannot handle the babble around him or her and wishes quiet. Without a clear message as to the content of the gesture, it creates a feeling of being unwanted or rejected.

The problem with any of the above is that the distortion perceived is stronger than the actual facts. It is difficult to believe that our conception of the truth is based on false readings of the others intentions.

For those who have viewed the TV show "Downton Abbey" where the favored daughter Mary, remarks to her sister's intended that it is gracious of him to accept her sister's illegitimate daughter.
Since this was new knowledge not yet imparted to him, he broke off the engagement.

The sister's pent up hostility towards each other surfaced as an ugly show of competition. The show eventually illustrates that Mary is sorry for what she did. Mary remedies it by arranging a renewal of vows. It is never really clear if Mary meant it spitefully. Certainly all the family members knew of Mary's past unkind remarks and actions. They called her to task for it. They kindly presented it to her as a possible unconscious way to vent her own dissatisfaction in life by making her sister unhappy, also.

Once a conclusion is arrived at within ones mind, an emotional response accompanies that thought. The concept becomes hardwired and similar to dried cement; it does not break free easily from the brain.

It requires each of us to have an open mind and consider the entire situation from both sides. Often, such openness allows everyone to overcome disagreeable negative emotions.