November 12, 2004

IT's OK TO NOT BE PERFECT
My best math professor was an admitted former arithmetic failure. However, since she had done so poorly at first, she learned the common errors that the many people make and was able to explain them so that her students would not also fail. Failure is not the problem, but not learning from those errors is the problem.

There is none of us that can say that every thing we do is an immediate success. As parents we flounder constantly. Each child is unique. No two children can be brought up identically the same because of the special qualities that differentiate them. Progeny is a challenge and has been since the beginning of time. I often jokingly state that, “It’s too bad that we can’t experiment on the first two and then put them back in the womb and start all over again.” Actually, I, as do many of other parents feel guilty for not being perfect. I need not because all three of my children have become exemplary citizens and parents. They are indeed an example of how imperfection can lead to greater improvements. Unfortunately, many of today's young people discard parental errors, as if they are the plaque, rather than seeing them as stepping stones of areas to acknowledge and avoid.

Currently the moral climate appears to be encouraging marital affairs. The individual couple becomes ripped asunder from the multitude of confusing sexual attitudes that do not support a loving American type marriage. I am not condoning this behavior, but in the light of history, one marital affair can be considered poor judgment. Two affairs have to be thought of as not learning from ones previous poor choices. Certainly, one should seek counseling, to determine if the marriage should continue and if so, learn the issues that created the problem, and the skills to correct it.

Let me repeat: Failure is not the problem, but not learning from those errors is the problem.

The math teacher had much expertise to offer from her former blunders. Whereas the brilliant professor was unable to impart his knowledge to me or his students. He had never made mistakes. He was too far above us. We could not reach his level.

The parents who err do it with and from a loving stance. Their youth mature into fine adults. Yet, imagine the betterment of society if we included and built upon the experiences of the grandparents? There are those who do that and the youngsters benefit from the combined knowledge which we call wisdom. Sorely compromised marriages can, if they wish , ameliorate the faults and move into a deeper context of understanding with each other.

Let us all concentrate, not on what we did wrong, but, what we did right. Keep our selves pointed in that direction and keep building a more loving future.

American’s rush to gain all that their parents had and more in a few short years and lose sight of the reason for their goal. Love is lost in the mad rush to be happy and with it happiness is lost.