November 22, 2013
Accounting

What we observe is accurate. How we interpret what we notice is not always accurate. To clear up the misimpression's:
ASK:
“I OFTEN OBSERVE A LOOK ON YOU FACE THAT APPEARS TO BE DISAPPROVAL. DO YOU DISAGREE WITH WHAT I JUST SAID?”
If the answer is what you thought it was, then discuss the issue in which there is discord.

“WHEN YOUR HEAD GOES FROM SIDE TO SIDE I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SCOLDING ME, OR DISAGREEING WITH ME.”
If the answer is not affirmative, then it is important that one learns what the spouses expressions truly mean. Has the partner had an unpleasant memory connected with the ideas presented?

“WHEN YOU ATTACK ME PHYSICALLY. I CANNOT CORRECT THE SITUATION THAT CAUSED YOUR VIOLENCE.”
In this case, one should not address the perpetrator until that individual has calmed enough to think clearly. The brain is not mindfully engaged during an emotional reaction.

The above statement can only follow when both are in agreement to discuss why the person responded in an attack mode.

“WHEN YOU ARE SCREAMING, I SHUT DOWN. I BECOME RESENTFUL BECAUSE I FEEL I AM BEING ATTACKED.”
This need to be stated after the person has finally calmed down.

For the individuals that the above has not resolved their conflict. Ask yourselves, “Is the current way of correcting an unpleasant event working? If not, then why would you pursue the same approach and response continually?

Seek guidance. Follow the advice.

However, in the event that the counselor has not helped you, find another one who can.