November 3, 2011
November 3, 2011
Forgiveness vs. Understanding
To forgive is to take away the transgression as if it never happened. However, in the event that you are the victim of a murder or other misdeed to yourself or a loved one, or betrayal due to the misdeeds of a partner,or friend; forgiveness is more akin to martyrdom.
Understanding why the tragedy happened so that future occurrences will not repeat themselves is more effective to washing away the hurt inflicted by the wrong doing. Understanding allows a feeling of control over the situation which forgiveness is unable to do. Understanding allows the victim the choice to determine his/her own fate.
Understanding why individual actions took place allows the victimised person(s) to avoid similar circumstances.
Forgiveness only attempts to wash away an inequity which does not help forewarn one of future crimes.
Once the offender is willing to make an honest attempt to absolve him/herself of all future misdeeds, the victim might be willing to give the individual a second chance (depending on the seriousness of the action).
Understanding the motives and emotional state of the wrongdoer allows the victim an opportunity to decide if healing will create a peaceful coexistence.
How should the malfeasor make amends? Is it possible?; and if it is possible, what means can be utilised to mend the heart and mind of the victim?
In the event that that both parties wish to repair the damage, what method will obtain this bond?
The obvious response for the attacker is to cease all future damaging actions. The second area of concern is to totally understand what happened and why (this may not be possible in all situations). The third step towards healing (once the other two steps are successfully completed) is to work on healing oneself of the affliction against them.
The last step is the most difficult because it is a normal reaction to want to hang on to the hatred. The problem with hatred is that it destroys your happiness and your immune system. It disallows you to live a full and peaceful life. Hanging on to the hatred only punishes you, not the transgressor.
Why should you relive the tragedy over and over again? It is your choice to only let the individual that hurt you, do it only one time, not multiple times. It is your choice. I hope that you will LET IT GO.
Often the concern is that you will forget, you will NEVER FORGET. Use the life event to help you to be cautious to prevent another incident from happening again (if this is within your powers to do this).
There is an expression LET GO AND LET GOD. For those non-believers in God this may not help, but those who believe, they will find a release in giving their torment to God.