November 9, 2008

Obama's Communication Skills
What can we learn from Obama, a great communicator? We win. We resolve the topics. Obama identified the issues. Couples get caught in the web of emotion and decide that the partner does not love them because of behavior that is contrary to their concepts of life. The issues become lost. Obama listened to the predominant concerns of the citizens. He stayed on course with his message. The greatest problem with relationships is that the undermining issues are ignored. Because of this, the situation can not be resolved.

How many times have I heard that the spouse has clearly defined the problem, but the other half discounted the explanation? Unfortunately, the answer is that it is almost across the board in failing relationships. The dissenter is so determined to present his/her point of view that s/he refuses to listen to the other point of view.

Obama remained positive. He gave credit where credit was due with the strengths of McCain and even when opposing Hilary Clinton. He empathized and acknowledged those areas with which he agreed. How many times in personal arguments does the dissenter disregard the opponents point of view? Finding common ground clarifies exactly the specifics of what needs changing to create improvement in the relationship.

Obama did not take offence to offensive condescending remarks. His affability remained on course with the issues. How much of the audience was turned off by the condescending arrogant sulking of McCain? Did it help McCain to make his point? Often the objectors remain glued to their judgements which disallows a truce between the parties.

Obama exhibited calm steadfastness thought the accusations and upheavals which were thrown his way. Relationships would do well to follow the same example of admitting what is wrong or understanding how someone might perceive ones actions as improper even when there is innocence involved.

Assertiveness techniques such as these allows the dignity of an individual to maintain those rights. Manuel Smith, Ph.D.s book, “When I Say No I Feel Guilty” is recommended by the majority of relationship therapists for learning assertiveness. Do read it as an adjunct to this article.