December 1, 2006
December 1, 2006
Making Responsible Adults
Research identifies a lack of motivation to speak when an infant can have whatever the child wants by simply pointing. Parents who are so willing to satisfy a baby’s desires they actually stifle the necessary steps to the stages of growth.
This need to give your child all that you did not have as a child often creates all or one of these symptoms: listlessness, boredom, depression, selfishness, tantrums, lack of focus, lack of self-confidence, no sense of direction nor wanting any lifetime goal or career, anger, a sense that the world owes them a living, and/or greed.
Children need to experiment with life such as: in youth to make a boat, house, car, trailer, or whatever out of an ordinary cardboard box. Crayons and a box can be whatever they imagine and after they have made it their castle, it can finally become a slide. It is not necessary to direct what the box should be, their creative abilities along with their dreams will make it be whatever they want.
Youth’s need to know all the ramifications of their actions, yet they need guidance when too young to make informed decisions. Then in pre- teen and teen years do give them all the unadulterated information that is available, then let the consequences of their actions (if they have ignored the facts given them) make them aware of what correct path they need to follow. Let them experience the societal/ legal results without softening the blow. After all, will you be there to prevent them from losing their job or being jailed when they are grown? If you think “yes” then you are failing as a parent. First: failing because they were not allowed to experience the results of not putting effort into a project, and second: because you are continuing to allow them to believe that they are above the laws of society.
Step aside and let young adults carry out their own decisions with a minimal of financial help so that they understand that they are responsible for their physical needs. Requiring rent money and insisting that some type of employment be required in order to live under the parental roof is a start.
Allowing self motivated creativity such as: allowing mistakes to have the attending consequences: late for school (insist they report to the principal and apologize for tardiness each time it happens). Or another example such as: expecting responsible behavior by not paying for the car the teen wants, but waiting until they save a large portion, if not all of the total before purchasing it.
If they hate you now, they will love you when they are old enough to understand how difficult it is to stand by and watch them stumble. However, better a stumble now than a fall off a cliff later.