January 25, 2020
Stories Goading


In grade school when they had ink wells the boys would dunk the girls pigtails in the ink. Today, when the male deliberately antagonizes his female partner, she bursts into tears or screams at him hysterically, or in the case of few stoic women develops an arctic response.

In what ways can a Male antagonize the Female? (From now on the male and female will be referred to by the first initial of the word). M. ignores what F. Is trying to tell him. F becomes very frustrated because - in her mind- that is a negation of her as a person. Silence is often used to nullify another person that you no longer wish to associate with them.

Other ways to negate personhood is to tell that person that what they have to say is stupid, idiotic, or lack of value.

Negation shows itself in other ways, such as: Establishing oneself as the sole guide to the guide lines of the relationship. For example: by deciding the power over time spent with others, decisions on what they buy, where they live and what type of a relationship that they will live by.

Most women have been taught to be kind and do not know how to respond to the authoritarian choices of M. Therefore, the necessary reaction to M to dominate his self-confidence is to assert what F will do or not do, yet, is often not the response used.

These are Gender differences due to somatic and cultural backgrounds of both sexes being treated differently from infancy to adulthood. (See other articles for more details.)

Literally M does not relate to F's emotions, her point of view, or her reactions. M does not have the same background nor the same neurological bases from which to create decisions workable for both.

Sometimes M knows he is goading, but other times he is unaware of his actions and is perplexed by F's. response.

Occasionally M is cognizant of his actions, but is not aware of his motivation. M feels good that he has finally bested F. Now F is experiencing how he feels when he is assaulted by her emotions.

M feels attacked and has no understanding that F is not attacking him, merely expressing her frustration- in the only way she knows.

Because of all of the above reasons, M finds it impossible to relate to what has transpired and therefore Active Listening is beyond his grasp. (Look up my articles on Active Listening)

Similarly, F has never learned how to simplify her needs in a manner that allows M to identify what she is talking about. (Look up Behavior Feeling effect articles on this).

The communication gap leads to destructive consequences:
crying, hysteria screaming, fury, disharmony, and divorce.

Education about how each gender reacts and how to minimize those reactions can be learned so that there is harmony between them.