February 4, 2004


How often have we hoped for a desired goal or person and had that hope shot down by a loving other? “Don’t get your hopes up. You might get hurt.” Yet, hope is more important than eating. Without hope one dies internally every day. With hope ones lives in constant anxious delight. In order to bring the desire to fruition, one must do more than hope. One must have a plan.

Instead of bursting the bubble of your loved one with; “It will never happen. Don’t try.”, one should say “Do you have a plan?, “Is there any way I can aide you with your goal?” A doctor says, “You are going to be dead within a month.” The patient that loses hope dies on or before the due date. However, it is a known medical fact that a person who decides they are going to live can extend that deadline for an indeterminate amount of time. Sometimes years.

The mother that tells her paraplegic daughter, “You will never find a man who will want you.” believes she is saving her child from suffering the rejection of phantom suitors. Instead the mother may be creating a self-fulfilling prophesy because the girl loses hope and becomes embittered towards a humanity that she believes only accepts physically whole people. However, paraplegics do find mates who adore them. If you recall my daughter had a lengthy marriage with her physically challenged husband whom she still grieves for since his death. J.D.was a wonderfully upbeat person that contributed to the happiness of all who surrounded him. So many people would have lost the beauty of life had he not lived to enhance theirs.

Recently my grandson had a dream. He wanted to attend New York University. They did not accept him, but he did not give up hope. He had a plan. Attend Hofstra for a time, make certain that his grades were exemplary and resubmit his forms to NYU. He was accepted with a scholarship award besides. Thankfully his parents were helpful and did not discourage him.

Support and encouragement for the people in your lives is needed to nourish the soul. Some will arrive at their goal. For those who do not, they need to realize that the process of living is the purpose of life. The process is more important than the goals and sometimes they even reach the goals! Dealing every day with a pleasant prospect of what could be is much more likely to bring peace and harmony into their lives. Maintaining an upbeat perspective will eventually bring satisfaction to them, even if it is not exactly the direction that they had in mind. They may even find the new direction more satisfying then the one they were pursuing!