March 1, 2016
March 1, 2016
What do you choose? A half full container or a half empty one? Those who go for half empty concept of thinking soon have 100% empty containers.
As a Counselor, I continually find that clients say, "I do not trust, so I will not open my heart. I am afraid to trust for fear I will get hurt again." This is related with tears, anger, resentment, and bitterness.
I ask, "Are you happy now?" I am looked at in amazement, "Of course I'm not happy now," is the answer. "How long have you been unhappy?" I ask. The answer is usually weeks, months, or years.
Then I point out the fact that the person is currently suffering constantly. It would stand to reason that they need to end the suffering once and for all by trying to trust.
I explain further, "You are here for relationship counseling. If we do not assume that it will benefit the couple, then we are just repeating the past of distrust. There has to be trust before the distrust recedes. As long as you hold on to the hurt from the past, you will distrust the future. You are miserable now-so how much worse can you be hurt? You are already hurt."
I suggest that the couple decide to believe that each can bring about the happiness that both want. I continue, "If then, s/he damages you further, then get an immediate divorce. But make certain that you are 100% certain that your spouse has every intention of damaging the liaison."
Starting with a clean slate instead of trying to mend all the old hurts can mend the bond. Once there is less emotional damage, one can work on ACTIVE LISTENING which is identifying the pain of the damaged individual and respecting the person as a whole. Creating an improvement helps to objectify the past so that-in many cases-the wrongs may not appear as looming as they did when all there was-was distrust.
Say your child broke a vase. You purchase another beautiful one that the child pays for a bit by bit from his/her own efforts Then you slowly glue the pieces of the old vase back together again. It will never be whole again. However, you spend your time enjoying the new jar and put the old one in a closet. This analogy is of your hurts which will never be whole again and even if mended-they will never be forgotten. So put them in the closet and only enjoy the positive changes that resulted from counseling.
Now you have a glass half full and on the way to be overflowing with happiness. Instead of living in fear that the event will replay itself.
Remember-should the unpleasantness be repeated after the mending-promise yourself that you will leave this relationship. Therefore you are relieved of the worry about continual future damage to your ego. You assure yourself that you will never allow yourself to be hurt in the same manner again.