March 18, 2005

ANGER MANAGEMENT
A mother wants to make her children happy and has promised them that she will take them to Disney World. Unexpectedly, her car needs expensive repairs, the roof rips off during a storm and the money has disappeared for the planned spring vacation. The kids are screaming with disappointment and nagging “Why can’t we go? Just put it on your debit card Mom.” Mom is disappointed. She wanted to enjoy the time off. She wanted to give her loved ones a special week of relaxation.

She is frustrated and depressed that life is so hard. She can’t incur any more debt. The kids continue their whining. She snaps. She screams, “Leave me alone. Go away. Stop it.” How did that anger erupt ? Something is thrown. Something or someone is hit. It seemed to appear out of nowhere, for no reason blasting through a dense wall of frustration.

In order to deal with anger one must first learn to hold a stop sign in front of ones face. You say it comes so fast you don’t even think about it? Then plan for your angry outbursts. Meditate when you are in a composed state, then see yourself heading for a brick wall, if you don’t slow down or stop you will not survive. Put on the brakes and stop. Then suggest to yourself that the next time you feel you are on a destructive path you will slam on the brakes and stop. This meditative activity might need to be repeated by remembering a minor irritating situation and then seeing the wall appear so that you have to stop your emotions from building.

Repetition of the above with increasingly incensed situations will establish a warning system within you to help you to stop as the flush of heat begins.

Once you have desisted from the mood of the moment, then it is time to analyze what just happened. Review the situation. Anger is a secondary emotion. What feeling preceded the outburst? All of these negative emotions were processed in less than one second and seemingly resulted in your immediate rage response. However, that is not what has happened. The situation triggered a myriad of emotions. Often it is a tug of war between ones inner longings and ones inability to accomplish them. Just as the overtaxed mother just wanted to express love when instead she did the opposite.

STOP-THINK- COOL DOWN- THEN PRE PLAN FOR FUTURE EVENTS.