March 19, 2004


Indecisiveness

My mother-in-law always seemed to have difficulty making a decision and carrying it through to completion. She would say she would like to take us to NYC to the theater, but unless I followed through she never made any plans. She requested that I teach her to drive. One day as we were going to turn left on Montauk Hwy. from St. Marks Lane she asked me, “Should I go now?” I looked down the road and there were no cars so I said, “Yes, turn left now.” She hesitated. Then, a car appeared a good distance away. She asked my opinion again. I said, “There is plenty of time. Go now.” She did not put the car in drive. Again she asked and again I said,”Go”. Then I no longer waited for her to ask because the distance between us and the car for a safe move was getting slimmer. I urged her to go several more times. Now,the vehicle was too close to pull out in front of it and I reversed what I had said,”Don’t go. It is not safe to go”. I was shouting,”DON’T GO’, as she pulled directly in front of the oncoming car which barely had time to apply the screeching brakes. Needless to say that even after taking professional driving lessons she failed for improper decisions.

Indecisiveness: An acquaintance of mine dashed in front of a train in back of his companion. Too late. The train collided with him. All that was left to do was to have a funeral. He was only seconds behind, but that was enough to kill him. It was a poor decision either way.

Emotional situations are not always that dangerous, but I use the physical examples to get the idea across that one must carefully decide on whatever plan of action one pursues. However, once that plan is put in place; action must be taken. In many cases the decision can be reviewed, but if the facts remain constant then the resolution should move towards closure. If you hesitate for long time periods, assess yourself. Look at your personality. Do you have difficulties in other areas of your life with decisions as did my mother in law? Have you assessed the facts correctly or incorrectly as with my acquaintance? Does this issue trigger a belief system from your parents, legalities, or religious beliefs? Are your options similar to a balancing beam. No better to move forward than not move at all? Certainly the selection of choices will not change until you do.

If the issue is not that your are chronically indecisive in every area of your life, re-review your decision. Are you certain that you wish to implement it? If you are, then you must look for the reason that you are frozen in your tracks. Deal with that issue because that is now the major cause of concern.

Some people become depressed, some throw themselves into work, eating, alcohol or withdrawal from life. Do what you have to do to reconnect with yourself and with life. Eliminate the reason for inactivity. Uncertainty can erode into every facet of your life. Without direction you are drifting without the safety of an anchor. Therefore, implement a new attitude. Once you are firmly resolved, just plunge into your immobility. As my father used to say when I was stuck, “Just do it any way, but make up your mind. It doesn’t matter how it turns out. Just do it! Take a daisy and pluck off the petals saying. ‘I will for one and I won’t for the other’”. If the answer is adverse from what you wished, then you know that the opposite plan is strongly formed. You need only act on it. There is not always someone there to push you into saying ’Geronimo'. You have to push yourself. Take yourself by the hand and lead yourself towards your resolve.