March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020

Low Self Esteem

Do you feel that no one can love you as you are?
When people pay you a compliment, do you discard it?
Do you feel that people are making fun of you?
Do you feel that people are criticizing you?
Do you feel that you are a monster?
Do you feel that you are an outcast?
Do you feel you are a failure?
Do you feel you can never do anything right?
Do you feel angry with the world?
Do you feel that you are entitled to special treatment?
Do you debase other individuals?
Do you blame others for your misfortune?
Are you finding that you are angry most of the time? Do you take it out on other people?
If you are feeling any of the above, then it is very likely that you do not feel balanced and contented with yourself.

Ask yourself if you are happy with your life. Do you like to be miserable? Are your thoughts creating good physical somatic responses?
Do you find that your health is compromised?

Low Self Esteem has many of the above components.

Often, childhood abuse: either physical, sexual, emotional, or mental - lowers our sense of self.

However, low self esteem can also happen when a child is overprotected and given too many material things. It can be accomplished with the greatest of best interests and parental love. Lack of parental time with the child accentuates the problem. But, even a parent who hovers over their offspring can create low self esteem.

The reason that well-meaning parenting can go awry is that the child often accepts the parent's fear that the child cannot accomplish ordinary duties such as homework. One of the best memories I have was when. I asked my parents the meaning of a word. I was eight years old. I was furious when their response was "Look it up in the dictionary." I said, "I do not know how." My father said. "You know the alphabet don't you?" I never had to ask them again and I was unencumbered to read everything I was interested in without further assistance. If parents will inform their child "How" to accomplish their questions rather than doing it for them: a learning curve develops. Otherwise the child may be left with the feeing of helplessness. Their parent has undermined their self-confidence.

My son was in Boy Scouts. He made an airplane for a race and came in second. The first place winner was a plane that his engineer father had made. Guess who got the most education and a feeling of accomplishment from that race?

My son did not understand, at 9 or 10 years of age, the significance of what he had accomplished due to the unfair circumstances of that race. I am certain, he felt more of a sense of accomplishment than the other boy who won by proxy.

When our son greeted us one hour after he attended the orientation at Albany State University, his first words were, "I got a job in the cafeteria." He knew he would need extra spending money. We had never suggested that he find work. He did that on his own.

Small and cumulative accomplishments are the milestones to developing Self-Esteem.

Regardless of your background as an adult. You are responsible to develop. your own self-esteem and happiness.

Ask yourself if you want to feel miserable all the time. If the answer is "No," change what is not working with a plan to meet every negative thought with a positive one.

Create small goals to accomplish and gradually expect yourself to accomplish larger ones.

Overcome your trepidation with positive affirmations:
I can do this.
I will be calm.
I will be focused.
I can be calm and focused.
I can accomplish anything I set forth for myself as a goal.
Or any other positive thoughts.
Set small goals at first and then make them a bit more difficult as you accomplish each and every one.
Slowly you self-esteem will rise with each new accomplishment.
Seeking guidance from a life couch will give you the extra encouragement and support that you might need if you are finding it difficult to accomplish by yourself. Guidance is not a crutch, but learning skills that you have to accomplish on your own time.