March 4, 2005

UNSUNG HEROES
Today, I was thinking about the man who plows my driveway out every time there is a snow storm. He often works 24 hours, 36 hours or even 48 hours without stopping in order to make enough money to give his family food, shelter and even nonessentials.

That type of exertion can lead to lowering the immune system so that numerous illnesses and even fatalities can occur.

Other men who own small businesses work long hours, often 7 days a week against the odds of the statistics that most new endeavors collapse the first year and only a minute percentage outlast the five year term. My children have owned a business for over two decades and it frequently almost goes into bankruptcy. Only with 12 hour days and 7 days a week do they pull out of the red into the blue ink.

Not every man has the ability, or finances to go to college. Not every college graduate can locate a financially rewarding profession. Even those so trained are effected by terrorism, weather disasters, wall street lows and so forth which reverses the earning capability of the wage earner. ( I am only speaking of men here, but women are often in this category also. However, This article can only deal with one subject at a time. A later column will laud us females.)

Of course I haven’t even mentioned the armed forces, the policemen, the firemen, and other law enforcement agencies that daily risk their lives to protect us.

As a counselor, I see the fall out of marriages that disintegrate because the wife is angry that the husband is never there for them. They married because they loved each other and wanted to spend every moment together, only to be ignored by the male. When the man comes home he is so spaced out that he wants to watch TV or putter on the computer; mindless activities that exclude his wife.

The male is still sanctioned by thousands of years of tradition to maintain the provider role. Men are perplexed that after they perform according to the dictates of society, they are now losing their entire family.

THEY ARE THE UNSUNG HEROES.

HELPFUL HINTS FOR MALES IN ORDER TO PREVENT FAMILY BURNOUTS:
Mediation helps decrease stress. If there is a long railroad ride, this is a perfect time for our hero to unload the stresses of the day. Men, stay at the office or in your car for another twenty minutes or if this is not possible request a 20 minute time out at home in order to meditate before interfacing with your loved ones.

The demands of life are difficult. Learn communication skills that allow your frustration to be vented in an acceptable and a loving manner.

Males need to sharpen their listening skills so that females feel that they are heard. Have your wives ever said,”You are not listening to me?” when you have heard every word? Gender differences create a vocabulary definition difference between the sexes. Read MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS by John Gray, Ph.d.

Go for counseling if a women has complained a second time. Don’t wait for her frequent complaints or blame it on her hormones. If you do, don’t be surprised to wake up single one morning after giving your life for your family.

UNSUNG HEROES ARE MISUNDERSTOOD. Not just by females, but from the individual himself and by our culture.

LET’S WORK ON THIS TOGETHER. LET’S UNITE FAMILIES AGAIN. LET’S CREDIT THE UNSUNG HEROES WITH A BADGE NOT DIVORCE PAPERS.