April 19, 2023
Real Love


For 89 years of my life I've pondered what is real love? That is; lasting love.

I have finally figured it out.

It really is quite simple though. The love that 99% of us feel for our children: is real love.

What do I mean by that?

It is the acceptance of the person as they are. Warts, disabilities, stupid mistakes, lack of respect. Shall I go on? We all recognize that our children have many imperfections-just as we do.

Yet, when we marry we expect our partner to be: a mind reader, always loyal to a fault (that is: not even look at another person of the opposite gender.) and to anticipate and attend to our every need.

Married couples are already falling -laughing in the aisles- over the last statement because for that to happen, it would have be one in-who knows?- how many billion? Yet, there is true love when we allow our partner to be themselves.

I wondered why I loved my husband so much and it was reciprocated.

We did not agree on everything. I hated the gifts he brought for me and he disliked those I brought for him.

We clarified what we wanted and found solutions that satisfied us both.

When he did not preform as I would have liked, I did not makeup a story in my head that he did not love me. Instead, I found a solution that either I did what was needed or found a way to motivate him to do it -Or to accept that he was never going to do it.

It is,the fact that, we had different values throughout our marriage that we managed to harmoniously live with until he passed away- that I wondered why I loved him so much.

He accepted me as I am. I accepted him for who he was. That is real love.

I can hear the criticisms about their spouse that cheated on them. After 25 years of marriage my husband announced that he was in love with my best friend and had been thinking about her all week. He wanted permission to have an affair with her. My response was, "You can have a divorce. We can share our assets. The law works quickly when both parties agree to divorce," His reply was, "I don't know if she loves me," My reply was, "That's not my problem."
He walked away and returned 20 minutes latter and said, "I guess I just like her as a friend."

Allowing your partner to be human and have feelings is a reality that gets lost with the notion that we have fairytale marriages. Then, our self esteem and ego are damaged because we do not feel "good enough." How sad, because individuals have difficulty maintaining loyalty-you blame it on yourself. It is not you but the person who cheats who lacks stability, morality or whatever.