May 14, 2009

Moochers
I, recently, was discussing the signs of Moochers and how we get sucked into their web. Several people in the group had moochers in their family.

The first and most important aspect appears to be the willingness of the individual to go far beyond the call of duty to accommodate the needs of the recipient. I, personally will never allow the good deeds of another person to go un-rewarded. I appreciate and compensate the person with money and/or similar responses of good will actions. However, the moochers tend to discount any reciprocal action as if it did not exist, but view their behavior as rescuing which demands far more thanks than they have received.

At first, the signs of a moocher are a bit vague such as: failure to thank a person for a luncheon, not bothering to remember or keep ones word regarding an agreement to meet. Then as time progresses the Moocher begins to demand and insist on items which are not within the power of the other to grant. The scam begins with their complaints of physical and financial needs not being meet. Vivid accounts of the discomfort and the horrible details of their living arrangements are descriptively given, but the con is not to ask for anything. The idea is to activate your bleeding heart so that you give without reservation. An attitude of entitlement develops where the Moocher is now creating guide lines which will create a one-sided commitment to and for them, but the benefits are not extended to the intended victim. The entitlement may encompass how you spend your time, your money or your energy on them, or change the rules for them, since they are a friend they state ”That is what friends do for one another.” (which becomes a long stretch of the meaning of friendship). The Moocher depends on the initial set-up of the relationship or in cases of family on the fact that they are related to you. The Moocher relies on becoming almost indispensable to you for pleasant companionship or whatever services that they can initially provide for you.

A Moocher can best be identified as someone who is constantly jobless, and lacking in material assets to gain employment while refusing or destroying whatever opportunities s/he has. The Moocher demolishes whatever opportunities are available while refusing to sacrifice anything in an attempt to live beyond his/her financial limitations.

When there is no longer conversation that includes your intake, but instead a litany of detailed complaints about the deplorable life style of the con artist who claims s/he never asked for help consider this analogy: If someone is drowning in the sea and each time they surface they say,”I’m drowning” instead of “Help”; should we assume that s/he is not asking for help?. Lastly, when their moves are discovered, the Moocher becomes irate, aggressively berates you, and decides that you are the problem.

If you feel hooked into a deplorable situation in which you feel badly for another person ask yourself this question: What are they doing to help themselves? If nothing, remove yourself from this endless rescue attempt and move on to a more healthy relationship.