May 14, 2014
Misperceptions

A commonly heard conversation in counseling is this:
N0.1 speaker; I do not know.
No. 2 speaker: You do so know. I can read your face.
No. 1 speaker: What did my face say? I was unaware that my face spoke to you.
No. 2 speaker:: Now you are being cute. You make me so angry!
No. 1 speaker: How else can I respond?
No. 2 speaker: Oh you make me so angry!
No. 1 speaker: I have no information available to me in which to give you the answer.
No. 2 speaker: Why didn’t you say that in the first place?
No. 1 speaker: I did. I said I do not know.
No. 2 speaker: I still do not believe you. You looked like you were lying.
No. 1 speaker: Wow! How do I respond to that! I do not know what my face looked like. I was not looking in the mirror.
No. 2 speaker: Now you are being facetious again.

Obviously this communication can only be a fight as there is no trust in the relationship to accept what the person is saying.
If No. 2 speaker had inquired as to what No. 1 meant when the statement was. “I do not know”, instead of assuming that it was an avoidance statement there could have been an immediate resolution.
The other problem with speaker No. 2 is that the perception held by speaker 2 limits what speaker No. 1 is saying and voiding it out.

When you converse. Whether it is with a boss, a friend or a significant other, it is important to discount your own interpretation not the others. If you find that your perception is correct, that will surface much faster with questions that focus on the issue, instead of clouding it.

Also the factual answers of speaker No. 1 incensed speaker No. 2.
The way that we phrase our answers depends on with whom we are speaking. Knowing how that person might take the manner in which you speak, also is important.

Communication skills focus on the issues. When the issues are diverted and become emotional, the resolution is seldom reached.