May 17, 2010

Denied Choices
Choosing not to choose is a choice. If a spouse tells his or her mate to get out and the mate accedes to the demand; the mate has actually stated that “I will allow you to determine my choices for me.” Often this becomes a ploy for partners who wish to leave. They have an affair or do something that they know is unacceptable to the other person. The disgruntled individual says ”Get out.” The misbehaver now can end the relationship with a clear conscience and be a martyr at the same time claiming to have been “thrown out of his/her home”.

The misconduct creates the situation forcing withdrawal, but often individuals want their cake and eat it too. S/he wants to stay and continue unacceptable behavior. The indecisiveness leads the other party to end the dilemma by picking the outcome for the erring spouse. The lack of choice is a choice to not determine ones own fate.

If the rogue wants to return s/he often claims that it was not his/her wish to leave, but that of the other person; thus creating a guilt situation that often is not recognized by the injured party. Be aware that this is a manipulative ploy in order to enjoy the freedom to ignore the original commitment made by the couple and then to return grace free.


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