June 14, 2015
Possession vs. Equality/Love
POSSESSION VS. EQUALITY/LOVE says it all. POSSESSION is not Love. In fact love does not exist in possession because possession is SLAVERY.

It is presumed in the U.S. Marriages that the majority are created because the couple love each other. Unfortunately, usually men, sometimes women feel that once the fish is caught, no further effort other than eating it, is necessary. That is only true for fish. People are obviously not fish, but are treated as such. All the love is USED UP and then when the spouse wants to move on because nothing is left of the love, the other partner has a tantrum.

The tantrum reminds me of a commercial where a small child screams and kicks her feet because her WIFI is not working when they move to another house. However, the tantrum of an adult goes from screaming, abusing with calling the partner foul names, shoving, holding the woman (or man) against ones will, beating, and in drastic cases terminating life. ALL BECAUSE THERE IS THE ARCHAIC ATTITUDE THAT THE SPOUSE IS A POSSESSION.

UNDERSTANDABLY IF THE SPOUSE HAS STRAYED, THE MALE EGO ( OR FEMALE EGO) IS CRUSHED. IT HURTS TO BE REJECTED. Instead of inspecting their part in why the spouse has lost interest. Why are not the participants asking themselves, 'Did they continue the romance that the marriage began with?'

In certain cases there is continued working together as equals, but not as lovers. Sometimes a child comes between them usurping the ability to continue with lovemaking. Immediately one or both of them need to reassess and address the problem. Whatever, the issue or issues are, they need to be resolved, not fought over.

One of my male clients said that he had tried to be close. Here was his effort of what he tried to do. "I told my wife that I was going out and that she could come along if she wanted to." If the response does not instantly tell you what is wrong with that statement, run, not walk to the nearest counselor.

First, the man is not saying . "What is your schedule, "Would you like to go out ---night?" If the women's response is no, find out why she does not care to go out.

No baby sitter,
Asked on same night - with no time to prepare.
Not feeling well,
etc.
Then the responses need to be discussed and, if possible find a solution that is is pleasing to BOTH parties.
After that is accomplished and the wife choses not to participate for her own reasons, then and only then should the man (or women who wishes to go out) state that S/he wants to go out to relieve the stress of life. Making certain that this is all right with the partner.

I recall when my husband wished to go out and I explained that I was near my due date for labour that he consented sulkingly and brought it up several times that I was controlling. Hopefully when we marry, the partner is mature enough to understand the difference between legitimate concerns and manipulative ones.

Also, it is not just giving to the partner what one thinks the other wants and will appreciate, but listening to what the other loves and likes. Then trying to accommodate that need. Sometimes interests are not compatible. In that case one needs to accommodate the other as frequently as is possible. If that is not possible, then the couple must explore what they have in common and do that activity together as much as possible.

Families do not stay together to have a Mom and Dad for the children, if the parents do not take the time to cement the relationship continually and permanently. Nor will the marriage happily remain united, unless each partner looks daily to respond to the needs of the other.

I say happily, because there are many marriages that the spouses grit their teeth and remain with each other, even long after the children depart with their own lives. What a shame! Because giving to your loved one, makes the spouse want to reciprocate. When there is reciprocation of affections both parties are in bliss and that CAN be accomplished.

Why as humans are we so oppositional that we do not want to be happy? We refuse to work at the relationship. Do you view your partner as the enemy? instead of as your lover/partner? Enemies hate each other.

The result of giving by both individuals brings happiness. Need i point out that working towards the common goal of caring for each other's feelings will bring joy?

What result do you want?

Below is the perfect formula for a happy marriage which I found on Facebook.