June 16, 2013
June 16, 2013
Even in a court of law, intention is considered. Yet in our private lives we dismiss intention; if we do not believe it fits with our own concept of intention.
A man shows his love by providing for the maintenance of his family to the best of his ability,and/or pitching in with the care of the house, yard, and children, plus being romantic in what he believes a woman wants. His intentions are to express his love. Today's male role is a radical departure from the Traditional Role of past generations, so he believes he is going way beyond the norm; therefore showing beyond proof that he loves his wife.
The problem with the above, is that most modern women do equally or more everything that the man does. In the majority of cases she does not deem it worthy of determining that these are loving acts, but obligatory ones which do not require extra acknowledgement as marriage is a equal partnership.
Women, instead want to have the man understand (without using those exact words) how she feels. Most men are perplexed by how that can be accomplished as the average manís brain does not compute emotion as part of the daily equation. With training in counseling men can learn and adopt that skill, but in the majority of males it does not come naturally as it does in females. This gender difference causes massive problems with couples especially in long term marriages.
Males expressing the type of emotion that he is viewing- such as frustration, anxiety, fear, disappointment, sorrow, etc. helps the woman to feel understood. Males should never verbalise that it might be PMS unless they want the wrath of the Gods to descend on them. Women feel that men are dismissing their concerns and blaming it on PMS. When in reality, when females are not feeling well, they tend to finally state everything that bothered them all day, all week, all year and for years. Since these truths do not surface daily, but only when she is not feeling well, men dismiss the accounts.
Women- to avoid this problem- must stop secreting her discontents because it might hurt the husbands feelings or cause a minor confrontation. Instead females must non-judgementally express the facts of what she is disturbed about and how the lack of correction affects the marriage harmony.
A womanís intention is to keep peace and harmony without realising that the emotional outbursts are regarded by the man as only venting; therefore there is no need to discuss or change any of the interactions and reactions between the couple. The male gender typically reacts with the fight/flight reaction.
Neither party comprehends that the intentions are meant to be loving due to the fact that each gender views life from the opposite end of the spectrum from the other.
Men typically react with the fight/flight syndrome which intensifies the women's reaction. She interprets this reaction as unloving. Many men fear saying anything because everything they have ever emoted caused a stronger rage.
Men need to study, learn, and use, ACTIVE LISTENING (check out my other articles on that).
Women need to use BEHAVIOR FEELING EFFECT MESSAGES (also check my other articles on how to do that.) to succinctly get the message across without the emotional discharge to which men react in a manner that turn the woman off (especially in the bedroom). ATTENTION: MEN NOTE THAT BEDROOM REMARK.
As a result the loving couple begin to dislike each other to the point that divorce is considered.
And all because they love each other so much!