June 27, 2008

RELATIONSHIP #2
How to Evaluate your Potential Intimates

The article in the last issue discussed ways to evaluate yourself to create stability and trust in yourself. This column reflects the assessment of others. This is difficult because people can -for a time- act as you would wish, but as one gentlemen said to me,”I can’t keep this up”. I had told him I would not rush into marriage, that I would take my time. Of course, after his comment I realized his presentation of himself was false and the real him was not acceptable to me. So the first rule is to take your time. One year may not be enough, but it is better than approaching a long term relationship in a few months.

Some women think that they want to be controlled, but a man who tries to control a female is one to be regarded with a cautious eye. Take it as a red flag. The grief you save yourself may be years of not suffering.

A very famous psychologist, Abraham Maslow, studied what are the attributes of a stable person, which he called Self -Actualizing. For details of his research, check into it. Maslow found that a person who has had spiritual or mystical experiences is more likely to be successful.

Some of the major concepts which Maslow used to identify individuals were those who were non-judgemental, spontaneous, creative, good problem solvers, and had good sense of humor.

Now-a-days, more than any other time in history, the general population needs to have a fundamental understanding of what is normal and successful to create a standard by which to make informed decisions.

Hopefully my article will motivate you to delve more deeply into the values by which you may gauge your life and your partner. Don’t forget to guide yourself by these same requirements for your own rewards in life.