June 5, 2018
June 5, 2018

Emotional Residue


In English that means that emotions such as; resentment, frustration, hurt, rejection, abandonment, and the resulting anger does not dissipate even when the situation is resolved. Often there is no resolution just because of the lingering neurotransmitters.

This phenomena can happen with both genders, but more frequently with women since their limbic system is larger than the males. The limbic system is the emotional alert system which corresponds with the situation. In primitive times this was an invaluable "watch-dog" to prevent being eaten by predatory animals. However, the need for it is obsolete and the adverse chemicals poison the system since they cause the immune T cells to overwork. The bodily reaction does not know the difference between a disease or a physical attack, therefore over extends itself. To continue to be angry towards a person or reliving an occurrence is the same as taking poison and expecting the other person to die, or the event to dematerialize.

The story that individuals tell themselves is: they must maintain alertness to hold on to the experience because they do not want to feel that horrible again. Unfortunately, they daily continue their reality reliving their vehemence which prevents a workable solution to regain a happy life.

The person says: "I cannot TRUST that person/situation again. Therefore, I will not make a 100% effort to try to resolve the relationship/issue." As long as one allows the brain to continue with vigilance and readiness to combat the problem with the same dysfunctional tools of the past, the situation deteriorates.

Ridding oneself of the pessimistic emotions requires focusing on a replacement of positive thoughts which then trigger the dopamine of the brain to neutralize the adverse ones. This is an important process for the main reason that emotional situations cannot be solved when the body is in the attack/flight mode. Plans for a reconstruction of relationships/events are better dealt with-with a cool calculating mind.

As a counselor, I find that some people sit on the fence neither working towards a solution, nor a resolution.

I often suggest that the client conclude that they enter the relationship/situation with trust once more. However, with the determination that should this become a negative repeat performance that they will abandon the relationship/situation and never look back. For those clients who take that action, the decision to handle the corresponding feelings allows the client to move forward toward a definitive future.

Once those decisions are made it allows a repair of the event. Should a disappointing outcome happen, the client is prepared with the decision to withdraw and no longer allow oneself to be drawn into another emotional drainage.

Sometimes the fear of the possibility of the experience happening again prevents the person from moving forward in any direction . The resulting problem is that the brain continues to misfire leaving the client stuck with reoccurring painful memories. with no chance of recovery.