July 23, 2004

JEALOUSY-JUDGE-JURY-JAILER
Imagination is accepted as reality by the mind. Think about how your heart beats rapidly while watching a horror movie or a ride where the three dimensional effect almost smashes you into a wall. I experienced the same illusion in Universal Studios. I had to keep reminding myself that the seat was stationary and that we would not collide with the mountain. Now extrapolate those experiences with the illusions with which we incite our brain with the illusions of unfounded jealousy. (This, of course, does not apply to those who have evidence of indiscretions.)

Suffering clients seek solace from the confinement of their own imagination: Jealousy. Without one shred of evidence the victim victimizes the beloved one. (In fact the jealous party often knows that there has been no indiscretions of any kind, but because of past hurts due to: the parents angry divorce or a former relationship that destroyed trust, the individual’s mind triggers distrusting emotions.)

Unfounded Jealousy is an Illusion based on a foundation of dark phantasms. The illusions give birth to rotten fecundity which has now created an undesired Intention as shown by the many angry projections of accusations towards the loved one: “Where were you this afternoon? Why did you look at her/him that way? Why are you dressed up tonight? What took you so long to get home?” The Reality is that few significant others will endure prolonged obsessive controlling behaviors such as those launched by the suspicious soul. Therefore what the jaundiced person’s fears, happen: the loved one has an affair or just walks away.

Illusion becomes Intention. The intention constantly embroiders on the imagination so that the intention is distrust. Intention becomes an Action in the form of rage, angry words or occasionally violence. Action then creates Consequences that appear to justify the illusion because the accused will leave, or look for someone else who will not berate them.

The covetous wo/man has become a Judge of the loved ones actions based on her/his apprehensions not facts. Already the Jury has predicted a verdict of guilty and sentenced the beloved to prison-like restrictions. Now caught in the cage with the accused, the prosecutor is more imprisoned than the accused because the defendant can choose to flee. The Jealous one is impaled by his/her own mind. Therefore until the accuser can rid his/herself of the past ghosts of distrust, s/he experiences a life time Jail sentence. In essence the denunciator is impeached. In this manner one can become their own Jailer because of the illusion that no one can be trusted.

In order to open the gates the Incriminator, must let go of his/her traumatic experiences and stop reliving them so that the past loses control over the plaintiff. Rebuild a sense of self that is able to withstand possible losses. Restructure reality based on current facts not future fears. Fears have a habit of becoming reality because the projections of anger are already a betrayal of love and one can not expect love to be given when love is already removed from the relationship. Make choices that will build your self respect. These choices are not always those which bring instantaneous satisfaction but long term self esteem. Get in touch with the child within you and love yourself so that you can love others and they can love you without your pushing them away. More importantly let go of trying to control others: that always backfires. Few humans are able to self-guide. Books help, but counselors can guide the way more adeptly.

Jealousy founded or unfounded is a bitter pill to swallow. Let go of an attachment that does not satisfy your wants or needs. If that lover is real they will remain, if not they will go. Who really wants someone to be forced into loving you? Is that really love? You will never know until you allow the other freedom to choose you willingly as their partner. That is love.

Are you ready to open your cage and fly free?