July 6, 2011
Deny or Replace?

What is your nemesis? Are you trying to stop yourself from an addictive behavior? Do you want to forget a spouses betrayal? Do you want to move on from a tragic occurrence? Whatever your situation you may wish to rid yourself of the nightmarish thoughts of revenge, or anger, or sadness.

Willing oneself to stop obsessing over the past through the denial process only creates a more lasting impression. For in order to accomplish this a person has to focus on the issue in order to deny it. The focusing on the issue is exactly the opposite approach in order to rid yourself of the feelings which have a strangle hold on your daily life. The more you try to prevent yourself from remembering an unpleasantly, the more you need to remind yourself to forget it. In other words you are holding on to what you want to forget.

However, using a different strategy of replacing the pestering image with a happy pleasant imagery effectively displaces the injurious emotion. It is in effect, letting go of the negative and replacing it with a positive imagery. For example: When I have an unwanted sentiment, I think of my three year old great grandson as he rushes to greet me after not seeing me for eighteen months. It is such a joyous moment for me in that I seldom see my great grand children and the youngest had spent barely an afternoon at a family gathering with me. I feared he would not remember me at all. So the combination of his greeting along with the relief of him recalling who I was gives me a smile each time I think of it. It is a powerful enough remembrance as to totally replace any negative reflection.

Try doing the same. Think of a time in your life that brought you great joy and replace the tormenting passion with delightful recollections.

Do not cling to your adversities, instead let them go on a river of pleasant emotions.