July 9, 2004
July 9, 2004
I see marriages where a spouse has impulsive spending without concern for the current bills and other uncontrolled behaviors, has problems with organizing activities and scheduling work and home duties, has a low self-esteem which might result in seeking the opposite sex, is fidgety, has numerous traffic accidents and resulting tickets, and may also have anxieties and/or depression all of which are tearing the couple asunder; although these issues may come from many causes one of them might be Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). I view counseling from the Gestalt approach which is to determine the nature of the problem and the issues involved: whether they be communication, gender traits, sociological influences, physical symptoms, brain disorders, or lack of caring.
Any physical disorder that is not recognized, but is thought by the complaining partner to be a personality trait or worse yet laziness due to thoughtlessness or lack of love and appreciation, then becomes a marital conflict.
Personalizing issues is one of the difficulties when love is involved; instead of seeing the issue as a problem to be solved the couple rips each other apart. Try to keep problems objective and look for solutions.
Physicians are busy and seldom have or take the time to discover and uncover the many faceted tendencies that underline actions, therefore instead of emphasizing conduct they are ignored. That leaves the couple to seek information from journals or hopefully from counselors or psychologists that may have good perception and diagnostic abilities.
I read magazines which cover science reviews such as: the U.S. News and World Report. They are excellent sources to peruse to keep one current on health matters without having to read in depth or learn all the research language that scientific journals entail. They always give the original source should one want to further study a subject. In fact U.S. News recently had an article on ADHD in which it stated that fifty percent of the adults who had ADD now have retained the symptoms that are preventing them from living normal lives. It also noted that a form of balancing exercises are being tried with some favorable results in an attempt to ‘rewire’ the distracted brain.
We all forget where we put something on occasion, but the individual that can’t maintain focus from one minute to the other, needs a structured environment and possibly medication.
Counseling is a cognitive process, not a physical one. Referrals to the proper physicians is extremely important in order that the counseling which the couple deserves ends with an improved outcome.