August 31, 2007

Blaming Others
“You made me do it. It is your fault.” These are statements that we frequently hear from children, but unfortunately we also hear from some adults. My response to grown-ups is always, “Did s/he put a gun to your head? Did s/he put you in chains?” The answer has always been “No”. Then one has a choice to not cheat on a spouse. They have an option to get a divorce.

There are other situations where those of maturation age blame parents for their poor behavior. While the upbringing must be part of understanding ones motives, once a person is eighteen years old, they have to begin to assume responsibility for their actions regardless of the paucity of their training.

The notion that- if the other person who is blamed for the perpetrators’ actions corrects it-then miraculously the doer is changed and exonerated from all blame and can continue incorrect relationship skills. Instead the culprit must work on him/her/self. Only then will the perpetrator be able to begin to improve his/her own actions.

Are you blaming someone for something you have done? How are you responding? Monitor yourself and note whether you are performing as you would have others treat you or are you blasting resentment against another to mask your own poor behavior?

The only person who can change ones relationship with life is you. Amazingly, when a different approach is used, the other individuals reaction often changes to what you wanted in the first place.

People get stuck in one place and for those who cannot get motivated, seeing a counselor helps to determine the issues and develop the skills to move forward.