September 14, 2017
September 14, 2017

Trust Issues

"You cheated on me with another person!" that is a Trust Issue.

However, Trust Issues can develop in other circumstances. "You never listen to what I am telling you." This statement becomes a Trust Issue as the individual does not feel acknowledged as a person.

When the listener responds, "You never tell me what you are angry about." Often the neglected person refuses to speak any further. S/he has represented what disturbs him/her to no avail.

The listener was not paying attention. The listener was only hearing his/her own needs and perspectives. Then, assumes that the other spouse/relative/friend/employee, agrees with his/her behavior or thinking process.

Another different type of distrust is generated. "You always believed in the same religion/morals/values trust issues, in which I did. Why are you altering your position on these now? And why won't you go back to the way you were?" This distrust stems from the confusion of apparently dealing with someone disparate from the person which they first met.

The distrust is converted into a belief that the character is lying. Lying creates huge Trust Issues.

Lying can be used as a cover-up for a banged up auto, drug or alcohol abuse, an affair, spending money without a partner's agreement or knowledge, and so forth.

However, lying, even about minor items can rip apart a relationship. "So I wore the red outfit instead of the blue? What's the big deal?" Performing the opposite of what you have done in the past can create suspicion which leads to distrust. A simple explanation that you had a flight of fancy or wanted to match the dress to your purse, instead of refusing any explanation would suffice to clear the air. It also offers insight into your personality for future reference.

More example which create mistrust: Ignoring previous agreements will create distrust. These situations are not a problem in themselves. "I only stopped at a friends house for a few minutes." "I purchased an inexpensive lipstick/penknife." "I only spoke to him/her for one minute." "I changed our plans to go to Mexico and reserved tickets for Florida." However, previous verbal contracts which were mutually established are broken: to call first before taking time to stop and visit, budget issues that were ignored, vacation plans invalidated, and contacting an enemy of the couple.

However, there is one more Trust Issue. That is when one individual refuses to believe the truth that the other person is speaking. My Dad suggested that I have my photo taken by a commercial photography studio when I was about 15 years old because I believed I was ugly. He felt that the photo would convince me otherwise. He was correct. Yet, when I showed this photo to a so called friend sixty-five years later, that person told me it was not a photo of me. She said she could tell because the nose in the photo was not mine. I did not argue with her since it was useless.

How can you convince someone who thinks they are correct that they are incorrect? "She is no longer my friend because-in effect-she was calling me a liar. I lost a feeling of trust with her."

Regardless of the reasons that cause distrust, once it is lost, it is very difficult to rebuild. Check your thoughts and make certain that they are 100% accurate before voicing them. Would what you have stated stand up in a court of law? If not, then review what you think and make certain that it is accurate. In that manner distrust will not develop.

Once distrust has seeded itself into a relationship it is nearly impossible to re-establish the trust. That issue is for another article at another time.