September 28, 2008

DO YOU LOVE ME?
In the broadway show, Fiddler on the Roof, Tevye asks his wife who was picked by his parents to be his bride, “Do you love me? ” Goldie, his wife has difficulty responding, “For twenty five years, I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children”, and her thoughts are ”I’ve lived with him, fought with him, shared his bed. If that’s not love, what is?”

In a poignant moment, Goldie sums up the fact that history shared together creates a bonding. Tevye says, ”My father and my mother said we’d learn to love each other. Do you love me?” and they both discover,“I suppose I do. In twenty five years, it doesn’t change a thing, but it’s nice to know.”

So many married couples expect the Hollywood version of undying titillating love. Yet, researchers have found that even though we do not matchmake our marriages, that there are multiple reasons that couples unite under the guise of love. Some of the rationales that surveys found were that people marry for security, or a belief that everyone must have a partner, or to change their environment, or that time is passing by and the clock is ticking if they are to have children.

For couples whom married for love (or not), but have forgotten those wonderful times because of the stress of making a living, bringing up those children through sickness and health, surviving through each others health issues and all the other issues that protrude on marriage; a rekindling of caring can bring a more harmonious, happy existence.

The resentments that almost every long term marriage harbours can be confronted and washed away. The entire family benefits from the cleansing as well as ones own health issues. Our health is dragged down when we hold on to negative issues which in turn affect our immune system so that we are more likely to develop an illness. We shower daily, we need to mentally shower daily with positive thoughts of each other. If there are not many pleasant moments, all the more reason to search for ways to create a more endurable existence.