July 17, 2009
July 17, 2009
Some women are still fighting for their freedom in relationships even with the current legal protections. Admittedly, on occasion it is the man that is demeaned; however, more frequently it is the woman who is told that she must seek permission to enjoy an afternoon or a night out. Usually it is the male who just walks out the door to go to the bar or play golf, etc. In most cases the male is covered in that the female assumes the role of nurturing and therefore, can not leave as she wishes as no one is available to watch the child(ren).
This invisible tether automatically restrains the woman’s activities. After twenty years or so, she does not resent the children for it whom she loves, but the husband who took advantage of the situation without consideration for her. Her love cools and turns to anger because she has been forced into a role of being alone and abandoned.
Any person; man, woman, or child will react negatively to commands (inferred or verbalized) that include you must, you ought to, you have to, do as you are told. Preteens, who are not given the responsibility for their own lives in gradual segments during the developmental stages often eventually rebel with drugs, alcohol, and other antisocial reactions. Adults become resentful and hostile; family life and relationships fall apart.
It does not mean that there are no guidelines or rules, but, instead those which are mutually understood and agreed upon. Refer to my article which discusses “Behavior, Feeling, Effect” messages for all ages that have obtained the power of reasoning. For the manner in which to handle Equal Rights, read the article reviewing “Co-ordination” so that both parties have rights, not just one having power over the other.
In marriage no one is the boss or parent over the other. Therefore, teamwork is utilized best to solve difficult issues. Try writing your feelings, thoughts, and possible resolutions when the atmosphere becomes tense. Present it to each other and then continue to compose correspondence sharing it with each other until there is a resolution. Then verbal communication can continue calmly.
Always reschedule a stressful situation if there is no intention on one person’s part to discuss the situation at the moment of upset. Then make certain that the appointment is kept that was mutually made.
Respect, trust, and caring is the bedrock of any relationship. If that can not be accomplished it is better to part company when only adults (no children) are involved. Resolutions may have to be experienced with the help of a counselor should the decision be in an impasse, yet the couple wants to stay together.